You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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