Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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