I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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