just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
