Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
