I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize