and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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