Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
