He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
foreskin is a definite game changer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
