I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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