I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
