suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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