I just cut my nipple shaving
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
