Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
