So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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