i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
