Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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