That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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