I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think my moral compass just broke
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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