that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
