I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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