Umm I'm too high to move.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
