White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
