well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
