so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
