Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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