I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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