at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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