The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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