The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
