This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
