mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
