I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
