i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
