handjob tips. give me some.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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