i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What a dumb baby whore.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
