One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
