I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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