So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
