what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
