I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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