she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
