i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
