hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
