I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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