he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
