You can't special order awesome
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
