Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
