So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
