I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
