I want to walk on stilts...naked
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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