I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
