The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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