If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
