hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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