Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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