where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
