I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
