Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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