Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
