I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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