it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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