Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
