if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
