...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
