Sponge bath it is.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
