I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
