i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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