dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
