she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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