highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
