Your face is a jimmy john
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
