Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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