Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
