My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
