Your face is a jimmy john
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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