Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
