please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
