he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
