So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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