I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
