as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
