It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
