My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
