The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
