omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
