New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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