You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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