do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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