His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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