I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
