I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
