I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
