my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
