I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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