I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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