you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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