your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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