if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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